The Arizona Cardinals, Brendan Shannahan, and The Angry Whopper

January 12, 2009

Well, it’s another boring Monday, and theres really not much else to talk about today except for the bizarre happenings in the NFL playoffs, the Devils somewhat curious mid-season signing of Brendan Shannahan, and the ‘Angry Whopper’, which looks like it will make your colon extremely perturbed.

First of all – The Arizona Cardinals?!?! Really?!

Nobody saw this coming. Nobody.



I mean, every single sports radio show host, ESPN analyst, and sports writer in the country had this one over before it started. Carolina was undefeated at home all season, had scored some ungodly number of points in their last five games, had two of the hottest RBs in the NFL this year, a star wideout, an experienced NFL playoff-tested QB, a ferocious defense, etc… and Arizona was 0-4 on the east coast this season, culminating in an embarrassing trouncing at Foxboro, and has had a shaky running game and a suspect defense all year long. And watching the first drive by the Panthers, in which they ran two running plays and scored, I had this game marked down as a decisive Carolina victory, just like everyone else. That was the end of that. The Cardinals unleashed their passing game, with Larry Fitzgerald looking unstoppable, and played defense above their heads for most of the game.

If you care, you already know how it went down, and I wont bore you with my second rate analysis of the game action.

Baltimore upset Tennessee, and Phila upset NYG…


So what do you make of all this? The NFL is becoming more and more about ego, and the lack thereof. What I mean by this is, it seems like every single time a team is counted out, they rise up, play better than anyone could have possibly expected, and win. And every single time a team has been touted as unbeatable, they fall apart.

Every team in the NFL is talented, (except for the Lions and Rams), and its becoming more and more apparent that ‘dissing’ a team is the key to them winning.

Take the Giants last season, nobody gave them a chance, blah blah blah, they win the superbowl. Same thing with the Cardinals this year. They have gotten up harder for these past two games than their opponents have. The Panthers looked like they had a big head yesterday, the Giants looked the same way, and both of them were soundly defeated. The Giants kept it a bit closer on the scoreboard, but that game never really looked like it was close to me, in terms of battles won, and physicality.

Baltimores defense looks better every week, and the prospect of a Ravens/Cardinals is becoming a very real one. I, for one, would welcome this matchup more than any of the other nightmarish possibilities. Eagles/Steelers would make me sick to my stomach.

The championship games should be interesting to watch, I just hope we don’t see the Cards/Steelers matchup – the last time the Steelers were in the Super Bowl, I shut the game off at halftime and played video games….on PS2…that’s how bad it was….. it was perhaps the most bogus victory in the history of the NFL, with the refs handing the game to the Steelers. Ughh..Im getting bored thinking about that game.

Brendan Shannahan signs with the Devils, 20 years later….

Hey, Brendan, Im gay. I know, Sidney

"Hey, Brendan, Im gay." "I know, Sidney"

This left me shaking my head, just because I don’t have any idea who the Devils are sending down to make roster space for this dinosaur when he comes back. Don’t get me wrong, the guy was one of the all-time greats, and will be a first ballot hall of famer. But he is 40 years old, hasn’t played since June, and I just wonder about his legs….that said, hes had at least 20 goals every year he has played, and if he could contribute to an all-too-often-anemic offense, Id be all for it. Its just a little peculiar to me that Lou made this move midseason. I guess we will just have to wait and see what happens. If I didn’t hate the Rangers so much, Id probably be more excited about this.

The Angry Whopper

Fuck it, Im eating one. I mean, I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, you know?

Everything looks angrier in German.

Everything looks angrier in German.


So, in case youre wondering, and I know you are, this bitch is the already delicious whopper (fuck you, you know you love them) with jalopenos, bacon, onion rings, and some kind of a hotsauce mayonnaise hybrid, in addition to the mayonnaise (or whatever the fuck it is) that is already on the whopper.

Clocking in at a modest 880 calories, 55 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 1670 milligrams of sodium, 59 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugar, (on the plus side, it has 37 grams of protein), this thing is serious.

Although this sandwich was obviously created specifically for the residents of Iowa, Kansas, and Happy Valley, PA, I am going to give it some love in New Jersey, and pray that I can survive the minor heart attack that ensues. Im sure its worth it.

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9 Responses to “The Arizona Cardinals, Brendan Shannahan, and The Angry Whopper”

  1. mark0tron said

    you better work out today bc i’m not dating some kind of a tubbo!!! but you already know that ;o)

  2. I heard that Burger King was having some Facebook application where if you deleted 10 Facebook friends you get an Angry Whopper. No joke!

    http://snagwiremedia.com/whopper-sacrifice/

  3. jesusthinksyoureajerk said

    HAHAHA. Well thats cool I guess. and I didnt actually eat it today, so no tubbs.

  4. mark0tron said

    i’d delete 10 friends for a veggie whopper.

  5. Jeff said

    Brendan Shanahan – Leadership. He’s old, and as you said he is a first ballot hall of famer. Who else on our offense is like that? Maybe he’ll help out with some of the inconsistent play.

  6. Jeff said

    Oh, and think about this line: Holik, Rolston, and Shanahan. That’s a bunch of bigger dudes with some nasty shots.

  7. It looks utterly disgusting. I hope to never see an Angry Whopper.

  8. jesusthinksyoureajerk said

    Having taken a little time to sit back and think about this pickup, I do like it a lot. But who are the Devils dropping down? I seriously cant decide who it would be.
    Bobby Holik, John Madden, Brian Rolston , Travis Zajac, Dainius Zubrus, Patrik Elias, Jay Pandolfo, Zach Parise, Mike Rupp, David Clarkson, Brian Gionta, Jamie Langenbrunner
    Which one of these guys?

  9. Jeff said

    Probably Clarkson. I would want them to drop down Pandolfo, but that probably isn’t happening.

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