Bring me your babies!!!!!!!!

Bring me your babies!!!!!!!!

After enduring the pain of watching my New Jersey Devils be shutout 4-0 by the floundering, largely talentless Atlanta Thrashers, I had plenty of time to view head coach Brent Sutters ‘angry face’.  And I am now convinced that this man, at one time or another, has consumed the flesh of another human being.  I dont think I have ever seen anyone display disgust on their face as intensely as Sutter does.

As far as Devils coaches go, I love the guy, hes intense, knows hockey, is a winner, was a ferociously mean player, all that good shit.  The one thing that I wondered about, while trying to avert my eyes from the overwhelming shittiness of the Devils last night, was, ‘what the fuck did Brent Sutter say to these guys before this game?’

Last night was far from a ‘must-win’ in the scheme of an NHL season, there are still 42 regular season games left for NJ, and, as you hockey fans know, thats an eternity.  Things can change for a club in either direction at the drop of a hat.  However, it was a home game before a long west coast road trip for the Devils, and a game they should have won, considering their opponent is in the basement of the conference.

So back to my question to myself last night…wtf did sutter say to these guys before this game?  If you happened to watch it, something was obviously wrong with the Devils. It was perhaps the worst game Ive seen them play all season, and it comes in a game that should be an easy win before a strech of tough games.  My best guess as to what he said is something along the lines of, ‘Play as hard as you can tonight”, you know, with a lot more ‘Canadian’ and expletives mixed in there…. At least thats what I would expect him to have done.  Im hoping he did not make that request/ultimatum, because if he did, the players responded by summarily choking a dick, and playing the sloppiest game Ive seen out of this team all season.

Apparently, Sutter is not all doom and gloom with his team, he does have a lighter side when things are going well, so hopefully for the team and the fans, this was just an anomaly and he did not do anything differently in prepping for last night.  If this, however, is an indication of how the team is going to play when they ‘get up’ for a game – it may be another short playoff run for the devils.


Im sure by now, you have all seen this ridiculous piece of garbage that they sell on tv, the snuggie. snuggie

And as you all know, this 20 dollar item, (Im sure its closer to 30 shipped), is made of luxurious fleece, and is essentially a blanket with sleeves.   I believe that this product falls into the ‘fucking with old people’ category.  Im not sure if Im just noticing more of these items recently, or if they are actually marketing more of them, but there are a lot of them out there. (The mysteriously realistic wii controller full of gum comes to mind.)

The Clapper AND the Chia pet have both come back into existence as well, and are being marketed fiercely during prime time television. What? Who is buying this shit?  As much as seeing a clapper commercial, (btw, did they use the same fucking one from 1988?), brings back fond childhood memories of eating fishsticks at my grandmoms house and watching ducktales and whatnot… seriously, what the fuck….How did this happen? Did they just have a warehouse full of chia pets and fucking clappers that they stumbled across one day? Is there just some asshole in Iowa like, “oh shit, better sell these fuckers while theyre stil hot..”

The odd thing about these infomercials popping back up is that they are hitting in prime time, and I dont even remember them being on at night when I was a kid.  And thats when chia pets were the fucking hotness.

Maybe America just needs a dose of late 80s nostalgia?

In reality, of course, its a result of the fucked up economy driving down advertising prices and everything, enabling these dickbags to peddle their useless shit directly into your living room.

In other shit-that-pisses-me-off news, this fuck:

18106400id2Does hiring an annoying, over-excited, N’SYNC-headset-wearing, faux-hawk sporting, spray tanned, fake accent having, assfuck make you sell more rags on your infomercial?  This guy and the oxy-clean guy that screams all of his sentences need to have their larynxes removed.  I am going to start making empty threats to stop watching TV if I see this tool one more time. And I mean that.

Love it or hate it though, headset wearing dickholes selling magic towels on tv is pure Americana.

whatchu know about crack

January 8, 2009

Since the nelly video was not cooperating, here is an even more hilarious song from another great poet of our era.

Where is the bacardi at? Going to mix it with some bubbly, yo, whats wrong with that?

Right, so, anyway, this is my blog. Thanks for visiting?
I will be using this space to rant about various topics that I deem too annoying to rant about in emails to my friends, who probably delete them without reading them anyway.

I never thought I would start a blog, but what the fuck, right? At least I havent succumbed to myspace or facebook. (no offense, every other human being on the planet…)
Ive never actually listened to this song in its entirety before, its really, really terrible.

actually, upon further review…nelly is kind of the man. ha.

See the top of the page.